Maybe I'm Finally Growing...

No, I haven't hit that 33 year growth spurt...finally breaking through to a full 5'8"...but I can dream.

I took some great classes today, and while I was enjoying some information on visual effects compositing that was over my head, I realized something. To explain this, let me step back a bit...

I've had no formal training in video production. What I'm doing now is by the grace of God, and years of playing with video, then getting more serious and reading/watching everything I could. If I needed to learn how to shoot, I read about it and just did it. If I needed to learn a new edit system or piece of software, I read about it and just did it. If I needed to learn a new camera...you get the idea. I've gone to conferences, attended all of the classes I could, bugged people who know more than me (which is just about everyone) and learned more from them. Essentially, if I know it now, it's because I went out to find it.

This is not to say I'm boasting about being a self-made video guy...quite the opposite. This background has ingrained a significant inferiority complex and a never-dying sense of doubt in my own abilities. Granted this has ebbed over the years, but I can guarantee you that it's still quite healthy and formidable. No matter how many successful shoots/projects or happy clients I have, I seem to have it in my head that I'm going to come up against a situation that I can't handle. Of course, here's where the irony police pull up with sirens blaring and say, "Hey Matt, didn't you just start this by saying that you started from knowing nothing and just learned what you needed to when a new situation presented itself?". Yes, I'm aware...I'm just letting you inside a bit of my mania. Welcome to Robin's world.

If you're still reading this, you're probably wondering when I'll get back to what I started writing about...here it is.

This morning I was sitting in a class on VFX by a great instructor, Alex Lindsay. I had walked out of two other courses, and while this course was mainly aimed at 3D modeling and compositing pros, I was getting some insights into how to set up and prepare shots that I might want to hand off for VFX.

About halfway through this course, I realized that I had attended it last year, and that's when it hit me. I remembered the feeling I had last year as I was listening to the same information. In short, I was sick to my stomach. I thought, "I don't understand any of this. Well, I better start listening to what programs they're talking about so I can start learning them. I don't think I really want to be a 3D modeler or compositor, but I might have to use that in a shot one day. Man, just when I think I'm starting to move ahead in one skill set, they throw another one in front of me! I don't know anything...".

I realized that just in the past year, I've started to hone-in on what I really like doing. I love conceptualizing, visualizing, lighting, shooting, and editing. It thrills me when I take a shot or commercial that I've visualized in a certain way and make it come to life just like I pictured...doesn't happen all of the time, but it's nice when it does. Some might say that this doesn't sound like honing-in, but most folks in this industry are Jacks and Jills of all trades, and I still really like all of those trades (it keeps my ADD in check).

That being said, it's not just honing-in on what I like to do, but I've finally realized that I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL. In fact, the end product is usually better when I'm part of a TEAM...and I enjoy the project a lot more, as well. I don't want to do 3D modeling or digital matte painting, and now I can relax in that knowledge and know that I can partner with other professionals to make the best product possible. Now I take information that is over my head and I try to see where my skill set and interests dove tail.

In short (haha), I think I'm growing in this profession, and bit by bit, I'm starting to shed some of that doubt and fear. Thanks to great books, courses, websites, mentors, instructors, friends, and my biggest cheerleader, Robin (love you, baby).